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Unveiling the Journey: Chatting with Devlina about Life, Mayhem, and Misery


 

Viv wasn’t too excited when she was sent to Beverly Hills to interview the one and only Devlina! Her boss at the Delomary Trust gave her a gift card to Starbucks, knowing that Viv loves a double decaf iced latte made with oat milk.

 

“This makes up for the fact that I might die in Devlina’s house of horrors, boss. Probably not, but it’s fine; my family has a lawyer should we need to sue for wrongful death. Ha-ha.”


"I'd like to remind you, Viv, that you signed a waiver when you joined D-Trust."


"Of course, Sharell!"



 

Interview Below





Viv: Well, this is undoubtedly a..uh, unique house, um...Mrs. Zid’dra?

 

Devlina: Please, call me by my real name, Devlina. Paràsàfàna is too old-fashioned, and I don’t particularly want to be known simply for being wed to the Prince of Darkness, am I right?

 

Viv: Yes, of course, you are right! So, tell me about the house.

 

Devlina: I stole it from some hot shot Hollywood director. I turned him and his family to salt and sold them at the Farmer’s Market on Fairfax on Sunday. I have a stall there on occasion.

 

Viv: Oh, the poor man and his family.

 

Devlina: Not really. He was a terrible person. He mistreated his employees. I did the world a favor.

 

Viv: I’ll take your word for it.

 

Devlina: As for the house, the floors are made of flames, and the ceiling and walls are made of obsidian, which, as you can see, shows a loop of death and destruction! This is my miserable place.

 

Viv: (standing in a bucket of water) You mean, your happy place?

 

Devlina: Do I look like the type of person who is happy?

 

Viv: Fair enough. You know it’s pretty warm in here. Could you open a window? I’m sweating a lot. And I’m afraid my decaf iced latte has evaporated from the temperature.



 

Devlina: I don’t have windows, silly one. But I can summon a blizzard to swirl around you if you like.

 

Viv: Sounds tempting, but no. Moving on, so what’s it like to be you?

 

Devlina: You mean to be truly wicked and cruel. Witty, sassy, and powerful? A woman who can walk down a dark alley assured that if any fool dares to harm me, they will be turned into cockroach food?

 

Viv: Well, that sounds pretty awesome. I want that ability.

 

Devlina (pulls out a piece of parchment paper and a feather): You can! Sign your soul over to me.

 

Viv (Laughing awkwardly). You are funny!

 

Devlina: Anyway, I wake up every morning from my bed of nails, joust with some demons in my dungeons, take my devil dogs, Murder and Death, for a walk around the neighborhood, then come home and plot how I’m going to destroy the world!

 

Viv: Sounds like quite a day.

 

Devlina: It is. After wreaking havoc on LA, spreading mayhem and turmoil across the City of Angels, I come home and take a nice scalding hot bath. The best exfoliant there is, girl. It's hot water. Anyway, I put on a new face. More gruesome than the last, whip up a nice, putrid dinner and settle in to watch humans killing, torturing, and oppressing each other. All projected on my walls. Who are the real monsters, I ask you? Me or your neighbors and leaders?

 

Viv: That’s certainly food for thought, Devlina.




 

Devlina: As you know, me and my Pookie aren’t getting along right now. He’s such a cad. So, after getting a good laugh watching human misery, I like to roam around the world and salt Zid’dra’s game.

 

Viv: How do you do that?

 

Devlina: Suppose he cast a spell to summon millions of locusts to devour the grain of a small nation and ensure famine. I’ll conjure a million seagulls to eat the locusts.

 

Viv: Well, I’m sure the citizens of that country appreciate your intervention.

 

Devlina: Certainly not. They’ll thank their deity of choice.

 

Viv: That’s bad?

 

Devlina: It’s certainly not good for me. I like to be adored. But whatever is clever, Viv. Zid’dra will come to my house seething with rage for what I did. And I’ll laugh at him. He will incinerate me, but I’ll return the favor by desiccating him until he falls apart into dust. Then, I’ll summon a vacuum to clean up the mess. And send him along his way down the toilet.

 

Viv: Sounds like you and Zid’dra have a spicy relationship.

 

Devlina: Definitely beyond the Scoville scale.

 

Viv: Well, the water in my pail is almost gone, so I should thank you for your time.

 

Devlina: Don’t leave so soon, come here and sit on my bed of nails!

 

Viv: Tempting, but my Pomeranian insists I brush his fur every other night. That’s tonight, and if I fail to pamper the pooch, he turns into my canine Zid’dra.

 

Devlina: I can turn him to stone if you want.

 

Viv: Sweet of you to offer, but I like my doggo very much. It's alive.



 

Devlina: Then be off with you, girl. And watch out for things that go bump in the night. It might be me!

 

Viv: Um. Okay?




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