Vivian Van Tussle visits the Delomary Mansion in Burbank to interview the heir to the Delomary fortune, Elijah Delomary in the meadow of the expansive gardens behind the Victorian mansion perched on the foothills of the Verdugo Mountains.
Elijah suggested we relax in hammocks strung between several one hundred year old sycamore trees lining the edge of the meadow. I’m not coordinated enough to get into a hammock, but I was too worried about setting the wrong tone for the interview, so I agreed. Elijah effortlessly slipped into his red and purple hammock made of fair trade, organic hemp crafted by world famous designer Calvanno Coulanno in his mountain-top atelier in Aspen, Colorado. A t-shirt in one of his boutiques retails for $999 so I was calculating the cost of the hammock rather than trying to hoist myself into mine, which was pink and blue. I ended up on the grass instead.
“Are you okay?” Elijah asked me, eyes wide with concern.
“I’m great,” I responded, “I’m really comfortable down here.”
“The grass is wet,” Elijah said, “We can sit on the terrace if you prefer.”
“No, my life coach insists that a moist lower back is good for one’s health.”
“Okay, but are you going to stay down there?”
“Of course, it’s comfortable.” I couldn’t tell him the truth. I mean, I could be fired by the DelTrust you know? I turned on the voice memo app on my phone and began.
Interview with Elijah Delomary
Who is your inspiration?
Bono, he’s a wonderful songwriter, singer and he is a committed humanitarian. He has dedicated his life to helping others, such as with his collaboration with Apple to support AIDS research. I’m a big fan.
What are your favorite clothes?
I love Vans! I have their shoes, socks, pants and t-shirts. I guess you could say I’m a walking ad for them. Karla, my stylist, prefers I wear loafers, slacks and dress shirts but she's silly. I'm still a teenager, not some CEO, duh. Also, I hate anyone who wears loafers without socks.
Elijah, let's not say that last part. I'm sure you'd agree people can wear loafers as they please...are you growling at me?
What’s the most useless talent you have?
I can play the national anthem on the kazoo. My mom thought learning the kazoo would help me strengthen my diaphragm, to help me sing better. I spent six weeks in kazoo boot camp. It was terrible. Honestly. And I ended up with the worst chapped lips.
What is the craziest thing one of your teachers has done?
My algebra teacher, Ms. Kaiser, used to play classical music in class while we worked on problems. One time she put on a powdered wig and stated she was Mozart and walked around playing an invisible violin. She went on an extended leave after that. I never found out what happened to her. I hope she's okay, you know?
Which fictional character would be the most exciting to meet in real life?
I want to meet Jim Qwilleran from the Cat Who series of books. I want him to tell me his secret to maintaining a long term relationship and also I’d like to help him solve a mystery along with his two Siamese cats.
Do you sing in the shower?
Yes, but not very good. I alternate between "Under the Bridge" and "Eternal Flame". Fortunately no one can hear me since we have good sound proofing between rooms.
What's your favorite place to eat?
Tommy’s in Burbank. I always get a chili cheeseburger and cheese fries and a side of jalapeños. I drizzle mayonnaise on top and my brother Barn says I'm vile for doing that. He hates mayonnaise. That's weird to me, honestly who hates mayo, Viv?
"Viv, no! not you too!"
Moving along, Elijah, What's your annoying habit?
I bite my nails. My mom tells me that metaphysically speaking, chewing nails is a sign one hate’s their parents.
Viv: Do you hate your parents?
Elijah: I hate biting my nails.
Who is the messiest person you know?
Me! I have piles of clothes in my room, on chairs and stuffed under the bed. I hate cleaning up and do everything I can to avoid it.
Finally, if you weren’t famous, what would you be doing right now?
Sleeping!!! No, skateboarding. Maybe, surfing. Okay, fine. Put down sleeping, Viv. That’ll make my mom mad because she’ll want to read that I’d be active in someway. She doesn’t like me doing nada. The woman never sleeps, y'know? And she expects me to be the same. No don't put that in...
That's all for now, Elijah. I think this will look great in DelomaryInFocus magazine, Thank you for your time, Elijah!
“Do you need help getting up?” Elijah asked, “And there’s a bird nesting in your hair….”
"I'm great, Elijah, I promise, ha ha."